Regret
by hersheygal
Summary: Nothing could have prepared her for the death of the hero. Jate. One Shot. Written after I Do.


Regret

Disclaimer: I don't own LOST.

A/N: I've been in a pretty angsty mood today and so I decided to write something. Basically Kate and Sawyer have been back for a while now, and they have given up on trying to rescue Jack.

No one had ever expected to see him again. It had been so long, it had seemed like forever since they had last seen him. In reality, it had only been three weeks. But so much had happened in those three weeks. More than they could have ever imagined.

Kate hadn't expected to see him again either. No one could have ever prepared her for it. She was keeping her promise. She wouldn't go back for him. It's what he wanted. It's not what she wanted.

Sawyer understood the pain she was going through, and he tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't talk to anyone about it. She would smile now and then, but it would never reach her eyes. Everyone knew that her mind was always on him.

So when Kate heard shouting down the beach, her first thought was that someone had gotten hurt, but it also sounded like rejoicing, so Kate made no move to go help. She didn't want to get up, she didn't want to move. It wasn't fair that she had this freedom that Jack didn't, and it was all because of what he did for her.

"Kate!" Kate looked up as Charlie ran towards her. He looked upset, and panicked. Kate noticed that the usual merriment in his eyes was gone.

"What's wrong?"

"It's.. It's Jack!"

"Jack?" Kate gasped as she got up. "Where?"

Charlie shook his head as he grabbed Kate's arm. "Kate.."

"Charlie where is he?" Kate grabbed onto Charlie, begging him to tell her. Her heart was beating so fast. Was there a chance that he was here, that he was alive?

"He's..he's over there." Charlie pointed, not having the heart to tell her, and Kate ran.

Kate ran as fast as she could. She was unaware of the tears pouring down her face. She stopped short when she saw the scene before her. Locke and Sayid were by the shore, kneeling in the wet sand next to a body. Kate realized that it was Jack. Kate saw Claire with her baby, and Sun and Jin standing not far from them. And even though Kate didn't notice him, Desmond stood farther up the beach, wearing a grim expression on his face. He knew. He knew that Jack was dieing, if not already dead.

Kate found her feet again and she ran to Jack's side. "What's wrong?" She knelt beside him as she watched Sayid perform CPR. The tide came in and wet Kate's jeans, but she was unaware of it. She just watched. The world stopped, she didn't hear the cries from other survivors.

Kate brought herself to look at Jack's face. He was still wearing those same clothes with the muscle shirt. It was torn now, and she was afraid that the stains were blood.

Sayid stopped and slowly looked up at Kate, with a look of grief and understanding.

"He's not, he's not. No! He's not!"

Sayid nodded, and Kate was suddenly aware of arms around her. It was Sawyer, but Kate didn't pay any attention.

Kate looked at Jack's face, and then began to do CPR herself. He wasn't dead. He was going to wake up, and everything would be ok. Jack would be there for everyone again. He would yell at Locke again. He would assure Claire that Aaron was fine. He would give Kate that smile again. She would see those warm eyes again.

Kate fought off Sawyer's arms, and Sawyer stood up as he watched. He knew that Kate needed this, and no one would stop her. Sawyer wished that this wouldn't happen, that Jack hadn't come back like this. He had figured that Jack had died, and it was much easier for him to be okay with it if he didn't have to see it, but now he realized he wasn't fine. This man had saved his life, and Kate's. He truly was a hero.

Rain started to pour from the sky, as if to mock the scene from below. Soon Kate was soaked, but she didn't care.

Finally, Sayid stood up, and nodded at Sawyer. He returned the gesture, and then he knelt beside Kate and firmly grasped her arm, stopping her. She was trying to put air into his lungs, and his cold lips were scaring her.

"No. Get your hands off of me!" Kate was in hysterics now, and Sawyer grabbed her other arm and forced her to look at him.

"Kate, he's gone."

"No!" It seemed to be the only word she was capable of saying.

Sayid and Locke carried Jack's limp body up the beach, and Kate sobbed as Sawyer pulled her up and put his arms around her. She finally stopped fighting and let herself fall against him. Sawyer staggered with the sudden weight, but quickly regained his posture.

"It's okay." Sawyer whispered, but realizing that she couldn't hear him over her sobs. He looked up as lightning began to streak the sky, and then the thunder came. He closed his eyes as the rain washed over them, and the tide went over their feet.

Suddenly Kate broke away from Sawyer and she ran blindly towards Jack. Sayid and Locke had set him inside a tent, and had gone to start digging at the gravesite. Kate ran into the tent, and fell against the makeshift bed. "Jack." She whispered, choking on the name.

She grasped his hand, and her head fell on his shoulder. His body was so cold, so empty. She closed her eyes as sobs wrecked through her body. It was all because of her. He had done this for her, and the Others had killed him. He had sacrificed himself for her.

Sawyer stood at the edge of the tent, watching her. He sighed as he walked away. He knew that she would never be the same.

Kate finally opened her eyes and wiped them, knowing that it wouldn't help as more tears fell upon her face. The rain continued to fall outside. Her hand stroked his face. It looked like he hadn't shaved in the whole time that he had been away. Her eyes fell on his shirt, where she was sure of bloodstains. Her hand shook as she reached for the edge of the shirt. She pulled it back and gasped. He was brutally marked up. She quickly returned the shirt to its spot around his waist as she tried to breathe.

She softly pushed Jack to the other side, and she crawled onto the bed, sobbing into his shirt. It hit her that he would never know how much she cared for him. She tried to tell him on the walkie talkies that day, but she couldn't seem to find the words. Now all she wanted was one more chance, a chance that she wouldn't have. She lifted her head and looked at his face. He looked peaceful, and Kate wondered what had gone through his mind in his last moments.

Kate willed herself to talk, she need to tell him, even if he couldn't hear her. "I love you." She whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She clung to him as she shivered from the cold.

She was afraid. She was afraid of going on without him. She was afraid of the Others. It was only a matter of time before they could come and take them all. And then they would be helpless.

And then she remembered. "_I'd let the fear in, let it take over, let it do it's thing, but only for five seconds. That's all I was going to give it.."_

She began to whisper, "One…….Two…….Three…….Four…….Five." She closed her eyes, and soon she was asleep.

A/N: Please let me know what you thought.


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